I'm not experienced in working with teams as a programmer, but what you experience applies to many other endeavors. What I really I think this comes down to is intrapersonal politics. It's a people problem as old as time itself. And I think an environment that makes one person thrive will probably make another wither. There simply is no one best way, no holy grail.

As an older person, my advice is not to focus on the perfect, but how to make the most out of the environment you are in.

Hopefully, at some point, you will find the perfect work environment that suits your particular style, like a soul mate. If you are a unique individual, like I gather most programmers are, I think that's probably rare, but I'm sure it can happen.