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in reply to SQL Query a Non-CSV Flat File - Any Suggestions? :S

Depends on what you're trying to do with those SQL's, doesn't it? If all you're doing is selecting certain records based off values or value ranges, then it's a simple matter of going through the file line by line, pattern matching out the data into fields, and then matching against those fields. If on the other hand you need to add or remove records from anywhere except the very end of the file, then you have a problem. One easy solution would be to rent some cheap mySQL hosting, export your data over there, and query against it, rather than trying to do all the heavy lifting on your machine.