Strange, whereas you allways face a nemesis,
I'm constantly facing a mentor.

Whatever the community I join, the one I always see is this mentor...
(I always try to get closer and be accepted by him but never manage...)

This leads me to think that you allways find what you're looking for...
Some are looking for somebody to hate...
Some are looking for somebody to despise...
Some are looking for somebody to love...
Some are looking for somebody to admire...
Some are looking for somebody to learn from...

(In a similar manneer some always find what they really FEAR to meet...)

Note: Hope I'm not zag ;-)

"Only Bad Coders Badly Code In Perl" (OBC2IP)

Good point. Wish I'd bothered to read the entire thread before relating.

I find myself unconciously looking for all of the above at once. As a human (or a close approximation), it's intrinsic. Depending on the mood, I select one to concentrate on more than the others.

--
Me spell chucker work grate. Knead grandma chicken.

Have I met a Nemesis in each online community? No, I wouldn't say that. I have had uncomfortable and difficult moments from time to time. However, I can't say there are people I've actively disliked.

Granted, there are people I disagree with. I've done and said things I later regretted. There have been flame wars, shouting matches, and so on. However, I've (almost) always tried to conduct my online activities with a general sense of respect for the leaders, the regulars, and the newbies of the various communities.

But, by turning your question around, I can say that I've had similar experiences in my online wanderings. In each community that I return to regularly, I've been fortunate to meet people I can respect, people who know more about various things than I do, people willing to share that knowledge and to help others gain their levels of mastery. People I consider "friends." That's certainly true here.

Perhaps it's a slight difference in perception. I don't know. I do know, or rather I strongly suspect, that you will find what you're looking for and you receive what you give. If you help people, they'll be more willing to help you. If you respect them, they'll be more inclined to treat you with respect.

You may be right; everyone may have a Nemesis in online communities. After all, we're still dealing with people and certain personalities will always clash.

However, I believe that it's far easier to find Partners in online communities.

In a larger sense, I believe this applies to any situation where people interact, not just online ones. It seems more pronounced online because people tend to feel more anonymous and are therefore more expressive in their opinions and their "actions." However, I believe that same perception adjustment can help your dealings with your coworkers, family, community, and social circles. If you look for flaws, you will certainly find them. In doing so, however, you risk overlooking the virtues.

Offense, dislike, distaste, emnity, antipathy, and even outright hatred all require active maintenance on your part. These aren't bad or invalid emotions. Indeed, we have them for very real and sometimes very good reasons. If, however, you actively maintain those emotions over time, you may end up wasting energy that could be better invested. Doing so may prevent you from accomplishing other, perhaps more important or more wondrous achievements.

What if you channeled that same amount of energy into repairing the rift? What possibilities might you achieve? Perhaps nothing...perhaps something far more than you can imagine.

I suspect we've all encountered situations where we've disliked someone because of an unguarded word or thoughtless deed. Or perhaps we've been disliked because of something we've done. Some of you may have even taken the time to repair such things and discovered that the causes of such disfavor were petty, based on misunderstandings, or taken completely out of context.

I realize this isn't precisely the sort of thing you're talking about. I've noticed that I tend to dislike people for really petty reasons. I don't like that about myself, so I'm a little sensitive to the possibility of it in others. (Please note that I'm speaking in a general, rather than specific, sense.)

I don't know the person you're (not) speaking of, nor have I noticed the disagreements you've alluded to. However, given certain recent discussions about the dangers of being taken out of context, as well as discussions about the importance of questioning one's opinions, I wonder if one's true Nemesis is the one facing you in the mirror each morning.

You may not know it, but I'm your online nemesis. :)

ALL HAIL BRAK!!!

Wherever you go, there you are...

Here is another data point. In many years and many communities I have met many people who I clash with personality-wise. Sometimes very publically, sometimes privately. But I consider none of them a nemesis. Instead I would prefer to live and let live, even after becoming convinced that X is the greatest moron I have had the displeasure of dealing with. As far as I am concerned, life is too short to waste on feuds.

OTOH I have been "Zag" for quite a few people...

Here at perlmonks from most I know what or who they are in real life... Mostly by reading what they post and somethimes visiting their homenode/site.

I don't meet random people online because I only spend time online to gather more knowledge and a occasional game. I don't really like to chat realtime. Sometimes I do but not enough to establish good contacts!

Am I anti-social? No I'm not in real life. I go out sporting four times a week, three times a week I go to the pub and I often visit (where I don't tell what my job is 'cos they would laugh at me) a techno-dico where I go dancing. I don't have problems to talk to unknown girls and I'm rather succesfull at picking them up :)

But online I can't put in the effort and commitment to join in on a regular base...

For online Communties same rules will apply as in real life. There are people who like you and dislike you. There are social statuses and people will envy them or don't bother about them... There will be social types and less social types. Idiots and smart guys. Bullies and altruistic people, etc.

Just don't forget real life is also important! And try to join both well! --

--
My opinions may have changed,
but not the fact that I am right

Azatoth, this is all because there are only a few hundred real people in the world. All the rest are just scenery. This explains why you will run into the same people over and over again, sometimes in very unexpected situations.

So you see, the nemesis you keep running into on the web is the same person.

And wasn't that a great party we were at the other night? ;)

____________________
Jeremy
I didn't believe in evil until I dated it.

{T}his is all because there are only a few hundred real people in the world. All the rest are just scenery. This explains why you will run into the same people over and over again, sometimes in very unexpected situations.

Wow. I said this just the other day to someone.

Maybe I am you!

-- Randal L. Schwartz, Perl hacker

I've had my share of nemesises^Wnemesi^Wnemesa^Wnemesen^W [musak plays while a cheap-looking card appears on the video feed saying something vague about technical difficulties while the poor, underpaid schmuck who's left in the control room over lunch runs to http://www.m-w.com/...] nemeses over the years, but I haven't had one in quite a while.

Why? Because I'm old. I've matured enough to realize that   1) the reason that idiot can't get a simple clue through his thick skull is most likely that we aren't communicating effectively, and   B) it isn't a big deal if there is one person in the world who disagrees with me, no matter how vehemently.

So I've had a few minor rows here at the Monastery, but I don't currently have any burning grudges against my previous opponents and I think I've done a pretty good job of just stopping when it becomes clear that communication isn't happening. I'm not perfect, but I haven't posted anything that I regret (other than embarrassing myself -- which just shows that I'm human).

<off topic> I met an old nemesis from high school at a 10-year reunion. Of course, we hated each other violently back then but that was long ago so I smiled and said "Hi" (thinking back on the mayhem was mildly amusing after so long). She ignored me and I could understand that so I just let it go. A short while later she came up (and explained a bit of the back story to my wife) and said that after I'd said "Hi" she thought about why she was still mad and decided to just let it go as well. Then we became the best of friends and I now owe her my life... Oh, okay, I'm lying about that last part. We just exchanged some meaningless niceties, but I think and hope she felt better after being able to let go of (at least a bit of) that old baggage.

        - tye (but my friends call me "Tye")

I find that I only find a zag when things start to stagnate.

Back in my irc days, all was good for a long time. What I was doing in my life then was well related to the crowd I was hanging with.

Then, there was no more growth of knowledge (well, in areas I was concerned about).

Then the 'fights' started. There was mutual tiredness between members. I ended up not spending time on irc any longer, due mainly to things like ultimate/work/gf.

Now I'm using perlmonks because it is directly related to major functions of my life. I'm learning a lot of new tricks from all these excellent people. Things are good, and I don't see that changing for a very long time.

Your story is amazingly similar to my life.... I also mudded for several years, then began playing EQ, and found PM. Interesting parallel, but perhaps not too surprising.

The parallel ends however with your nemesis. During the 5 years or so that I mudded pretty constantly, I made many many friends, and no real enemies. Sure, there were people that perturbed me, but these were usually people whom everone hated because.... well, because they were mentally imbalanced. Mudding seems to attract some odd sorts of people, probably because of the anonymity you mentioned. Anyway, I actually did meet several of the people I mudded with. I drove to South Dakota once, and Texas another time (from Colorado), to party with my online friends. In the EQ world I also have no enemies, although my ignore list is far from empty.

Why do you think you're always butting heads with someone? The only reason I escape into the online community is to relax and forget about real life concerns for a while. If I got all worked up over some online personality conflict, that would pretty much ruin the fun for me, so I don't see the point. I may not be as outspoken as you, so I'm not attracting a "nemesis".... I dunno. My advice to you is to completely ignore anyone who takes away from your enjoyment of the online community. Let it go. Hehe - don't worry, be happy :)

Yes, I've met my "Zag" here, as well... several of them, actually. Everything is fine at the moment, as my perceived nemeses and I have peacefully coexisted.

And so it shall remain. I have no intention of causing trouble.

This same phenomenon has followed me throughout life, from kindergarten, to HS, to the Air Force... to IRC and PerlMonks. I realised long ago that it was my perception, and keeping that in check until the "offending party" actually does something to deserve wrath has helped me save a lot of asbestos suits. :o)

--
Me spell chucker work grate. Knead grandma chicken.

I've never really had a Zag, but I've had a lot of run ins, and felt Pain. Amongst all of the magnanimous posts here, I think the crux of the biscuit is not the Tao of on-line communities, but rather the moment and mind-set when a dispute occurs, and there is no way reconciling this in a traditional fashion.


• There is a desire to get the last word.
• A need to appear more adult, sometimes faked to garner support.
• There is a wrangling of ego's, and it's easy to think your opponent is the Mekon from Dan Dare, a huge brain on a kids body.
• There is the withdrawing from the melee and consoling yourself, with the thought that you are wiser, more mature, socially acceptable if your phantom foe has beat you down.
• A fear that beneath the platitudes of reconsiliation, there is a yearning by either party for a rematch.

--

Brother Frankus.

¤