PPMRC warning: parts of the original lyrics (and, by extension, this poem) may be considered offensive by some. If you find you are easily irritated by profane words or situations, you may want to pass this by and instead answer a question in SoPW :-).

AABC x 8;

!I->can( help( my @feelings ) );
mind: { I::goto(out) }
come( @players )->get(me);
cos (@_->like( END{} ));
!I->can( love( my $business ) )
if !I->can( get(trick) );
while( tricks->kids )  { lc "Santa Monica" }

( Oh,come(on) and kick(me) )x3;
You->got( $_{problems} );
I  ->got( $_->wipe( END{} ) );

!I->can( help( my @boogies ) );
control: { @_->goto(out) };
I->know( !you->care )
xor I->want( you->know );
$flavor{ knee stocking }++->treat for
men( !bother( $teat{taste} ) );

( Oh,come(on) and kick(me) )x3;
You->got( $_{problems} );
I  ->got( $_->wipe( END{} ) );
You->got( $_{ uc( g x "s" ) } );
I  ->got( my %pipe );

( Oh,come(on) and kick(me) )x3;
You->got( $_{problems} );
I  ->got( $_->wipe( END{} ) );
You->got( $_{ uc( g x "s" ) } );
( I  ->got( my %pipe ) )x3;
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Adapted from Hash Pipe by Rivers Cuomo, inspired by Hash Pipe Problem.

Additional disclaimer: the above compiles but doesn't run. I find this is good enough for me (and besides, if you're expecting something called "hash pipe" to execute sensibly you're possibly overly optimistic ;-).