Well, if you can get yourself to YAPC::NA 2007, I can buy you a Labatt. Or if you're not of drinking age (in the U.S. - I notice your location is the University of Waterloo, so I figure there's about a 50% chance you'll be at least 21 in June '07, unless you're in graduate school, in which case it's the beer or other beverage of your choice), I'll give you the opportunity to properly trounce me in a game of chess :)
I did notice a few things that helped along your obfuscation (hex chars, etc, but perl -MO=Deparse zshzn.pl cleared those up without any thinking), but the more cheap tricks you can employ, the better. I don't think it was unoriginal, as I can't recall any that have spelled out a chess board(!), further in the shape of a knight. But there are a few (s///e) ways ($_='...'; s/crud/code/g;) to not let B::Deparse spoil all your fun.
s**lil*; $*=join'',sort split q**; s;.*;grr; &&s+(.(.)).+$2$1+; $; = qq-$_-;s,.*,ahc,;$,.=chop for split q,,,reverse;print for($,,$;,$*,$/)