Those are excellent suggestions, but I don't think it'll work in my given situation.

• Putting a poster on my wall. Nearest wall is 6 feet away - this is an open office. I tried putting a note on the back of my monitor, emailing everyone to let them know I'd be unavailable, snapping at them when they don't pay attention to either, etc. People shout across the room. "Sarah! I need you to look at something!" "Sarah! I see a doggy!" "Sarah! What's that!" I point out to them that I was concentrating and they shout "Sorry". Lather rinse repeat every 10 minutes or so. Then I get repremanded by the boss for being unavailable for questions.
• Epsom salt really doesn't do much for the aches and pains so much as the hot water. Bath additives make me break out in hives, so I really can't use them. Actually, anything but ivory soap in the tub usually causes a problem.
• Contract? HA! I think my job requirements are as follows: Show up for work when I tell you and do what I tell you, or you'll be homeless again. If I don't cover for people the shit rolls back on me. I cc my boss any memos or emails of problems that I inform the co-workers about, and she promises to deal with it, but never does. We actually have one ex-employee who is collecting unemployment because although she was told on numerous occassions that she was doing things wrong or against procedure she was never reprimanded and told that she could be fired and therefore is eligible for unemployment.
• I fill it out as terrible because it's a waste of time at this job. Any other job, I'd be more honest. So I check off all the little "poor" boxes, and don't bother filiing out the two-page essay. I have better things to be doing... like babysitting my co-workers.
• High heels...Actually, it really does help. I'm 5'4" with the heels. My clients average about 6'2". I'm tired of being called "little" and "tiny" by these guys. My psychiatrist also recommended them because they force me to adopt a shorter stride and thereby force me to slow down a bit. I have bad knees to begin with and they'll both need to be replaced within the next ten years or so, so I really don't care what it's doing to my knees. The pain is manageable since its minor compared to the pinching in my back and the pain from the carpal tunnel.
• Marriage and kids? I'd rather just survive the life I have already. The boyfriend is a convenient excuse not to date. There really isn't any form of relationship there. Hell, I don't even think we qualify as friends. Besides, I'm not all that thrilled with ending up a single welfare mother living in a shelter.

Unfortunately, when the people around me make mistakes, I'm the one who ends up fixing them and dealing with the aftermath. It's not about appreciation. When I had a small breakdown last year and wasn't able to deal with anything - much less come into work, we lost three big clients and the business almost shut down. I ended up getting a $25,000 personal loan and giving it to the company to try to save it. I can't find another job so if the company shuts down, I'm back to sleeping under bridges.

What it comes down to is a couple of things: force my co-workers to start being more accountable for themselves without any help from my boss (since she doesn't give it anyway), continue to look for another job without success, or go back to where I was 10 years ago. I've been at option number two for about three years now.

While quite a few of the items on your list are spot on my bad habits as well, I have to ask you why you are still working for the same company. Since i left my previous employer, bi-weekly migraines, chestpains, shoulder and lower-back hurts have magically disappeared. ( I realized at the end of the 2nd year there, that the environment/workload wasn't good for my health, but i still stuck with them for 5 years in total).

There could be (and probably are) very good reasons why you're still with them, but i couldn't help but wonder.

You're probably not realising it, but you are maybe BURNING OUT! Maybe your unconsciousness knows ... and it speak through your monastery name?

Seriously - it's an phenomenon I recently heard of, on my "Comunicology" classes. It starts with things that you mentioned. Then if I recall right comes depression, crying and ... oh well I'm not quite sure.

But seriously, you should check it out. Try Googling for it (burning out) and talk about it with your psychiatrist

As about other of your problems, I'm probably too young and incompetent to comment on them - except on borrowing money to give it to company you're working for > even I (BTW. I have blond hare :) know that's a bad move

Oh yeah, what business are you in anyway. Ever thought about freelancing? I'm doing it in my free time ... and you can earn a decent living by doing just that.

Last place I worked I was sharing an office with a colleague who'd been there for ages. He was gone from the office half the time (part of the job) and people would wander in and ask me "Is x in? Will he be back?" To which I'd invariably reply "Yes and yes" and they'd wander off again. This annoyed me to the point that I put up a sign on his monitor facing the door which said "x is in and will be back shortly." Of course then I got the people who'd wander in and go "So x is in, is he?"...Gaaah!

On a more constructive note, I find a good way to keep your concentration and also stop people from disturbing you is to turn on your mp3-player and put on the headphones. This sends the message that you're concentrating and don't want to be disturbed unless necessary and also drowns out unwanted background noise. It is sometimes a good idea to explain your motivation for this to your boss beforehand though ;-)

On a more constructive note, I find a good way to keep your concentration and also stop people from disturbing you is to turn on your mp3-player and put on the headphones. This sends the message that you're concentrating and don't want to be disturbed unless necessary and also drowns out unwanted background noise.

People talk to me even when I'm wearing my headphones (technically they're earphones, no head band). I have a mirror on my monitor (my desk faces away from the open door in a shared office, and I can't rearrange) so sometimes I see their mouths moving. It doesn't help that my earphones are sound blocking -- because my officemates play music on external speakers. So I really can't hear anything other than my music.

But still I'll look up and realize that someone has been talking to me -- when I pull out the earphones and say "huh?" they act all exasperated that I haven't heard the last five minutes of conversation. You would think that me typing away on the computer would make it obvious, but no.

I've decided it's a no win situation. Eventually I'll have my co-workers trained to start talking only after I've taken out the earphones, but I'm not optimistic. Maybe I can do some positive feedback and give out cookies when they wait.