Socks and sandals are for two types of people: old men with metal detectors on Miami Beach, and smarter-than-thou socialists whose income depends, in some way, on a government grant. Both of these groups think my family is really goofy because we paint small blue or white horseshoes on our faces when we go to Colts games. We are, but wearing crud-gathering foot covers with shoes that are designed to expose the feet is ... bizarre.

Sorry if this seems harsh, I'm sort of a reverse foot fetishist. I don't like feet, and wearing socks with sandals seems to be some sort of weird denial that I'd really rather not think about.