This should theoretically be fairly portable, but I've only tested it on 5.6.0/Linux and 5.8.0/ActiveState. If you don't like the first joke it gives you, run it some more times and you won't like the other ones either ;-)

$|++;;($;,$:,$,,$\,$^,$==>$~,$.,$})=("Izntvar n",
"Prey pbqr","fpevor"=>        "!$/","ernql"=>$^F,
"boshfpng","fho",join        ' ',@{;;[_(qw(oepgnf
rhnuar nfarqr gu))]}        [2,$?,3,$|,@;,5]);sub
::{;my$i=$^;;[split        /#/,join$`,map{$i^=$_}
split//,pop@_]}@%=        map{my$die=$_;sub{print
for join$',@$die[        $%,$==>$|]}}map{[map{sub
{my$i=$!;join$&,        map{my$o=$i;$i=$_;$o^$_;}
split//,shift};        y;a-z;n-za-m;;$_;}@$_];}([
q"Ia Sbivrg ",        "rf lbh","Rhffvn, $: $~"],[
"Ayy lbhe $~"        ," ner orybat gb hf","rq $:"
], ["$; orb"        ,"rq $:","jhys pyhfgre bs $~"
],["$|. We"        .'v'."gr $~","$/3. Pebsvg","r"
.qq-q-.' '        .$:.".$/$=. ???"],["Tur arkg ".
"$: $~"=>        "ef $} vg"." rneyl",q"vba jvyy "
.'or'.qq        ' $^ fbba, ohg $.$,']    );%_=map
{my$z=(        ($_|=$^O)?$_:::($_));      $_,sub{
while(        pop){my$x=unpack'V',$_      ;push@|
,($x>         $_?$x:$_)}print for@|}}    1..1024;
;sub        _{+(@;=>@:)=map{[split//]}@_;for(1..9
){push@:,join$&,map{shift@$_}@;}@:}$%[rand@%]->()
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;$;=sub{$/};@;=map{my($a,$b)=($_,$;);$;=sub{$a.$b->()}
}split//,".rekcah lreP rehtona tsuJ";$\=$ ;->();print;
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