Staying as much in perl-space as possible is a good idea. One of the in-house apps here had all or most of the business logic implemented in stored procedures. Then, the volume increased so much that they needed a better database server. They are still coding away, after a long time. Several teams from the DB vendor have tried, but not suceeded.
Anyhow,
UPDATE table_name SET column1=column1 + 3 WHERE column2 > 2500
might do the trick. It will still be gruelling, though. 60 million transactions is a lot, either way we look at it.
I've also had great successes with introducing new indexes. It's incredible what a difference a well-placed index can do when you are dealing with large data sets.
Have you tried to your queries through explain?
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