But the Original Poster provided us with a test of expert Perl prowess, and went so far as to give us his expert definition of static

ok ok I messed up; because I've had questions about what a "static variable" is (not all perl programmers are C programmers) so I added a quick clarification and got it wrong.. nobody's perfect

no need to get sarcastic here

My solution meets his spec. In a rediculous way, of course... but then again it's a rediculous quiz.