Sure, Juerd, you might have thought you were being dramatic above, by my first Perl project did everything you listed, except for the part where it actually runs.

At the time, I was playing a lot of X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter online at zone.com, and I wanted to make a CGI for various clans to rank players in compititions. I put my not-even-working code on a Xoom.com homepage. Xoom.com eventually got merged into some other company (I forget who), and in the shuffle, my homepage got lost, and the code with it. I think I'm glad.