After seeing the genius of Fun With Reserved Keywords, I became a little obsessed with the idea of a JAPH that contained *no keywords*...this is as near as I got. It contains just 6 [a-z] chars. Fewer, anyone?

($;=$^)=~y/\104\117-\132/\101\110-\123/;@_=($^=~/(.)/g,$;=~/(.)/g);
$_[2]++;$_[7]=$_[12]++;$_[12]++;$_[3]=++$_[19];$_[3]++;$_[1]=$_[9]++;$
+_[9]++;
$_[6]=$";die@_[19,4,0,5,6,7,14,8,5,13,2,9,6,1,2,9,10,6,13,7,12,3,2,9];
[download]

Cheers, Ben.