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Aaah, spring (A Very Special Perlmonks Contest)

by boo_radley (Parson)
on Apr 17, 2002 at 17:30 UTC ( #159907=poem: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??

Spring has sprung and perl love is in the air!
The most famous love of all is, of course, Romeo and Juliet, so I'd like to see what kind of perl poetry we can write based on the play.

The rules

Post as many poems as you care to
All poems must compile, but I don't care if they do anything useful
Contest ends on May 1st, meaning that entries from now to April 30th are considered valid
The winner will be determined by the node with the highest reputation
In the case of a 2 way tie, both recipients win. Anything above a 2 way tie, I'll use xp a guide for winners. (I can't rain down prizes upon a lot of people.)
No whining about anything. This is coming out of my own pocket, and if it ceases to be fun, the deal's off.

The Prize

A beautiful perlmonks t-shirt and mug! Winner agrees to furnish name & address to me so I can deliver the goods.

The Update!

Someone suggests that earlier entries to the contest will have an advantage, which I don't think is true. I think that because the number of voting monks will remain relatively constant, and because there's one vote per monk per node.
So if people vote for things they like (or downvote ones they dont) they still only get one vote a node. It should all even out.

Another Update

re ChemBoy's concern : I don't care if you use map in void context, as long as it passes perl -c, you're ok.
re "how will you know?" : I will be upvoting all poetry nodes so I can see the reputations of the nodes. Don't construe this as meaning one thing or another.

The Kickoff!

unless ($romeo && $juliet){ sleep ($juliet); die $romeo; die $juliet; }


Ladies and gentlemen! I present you with the new poet laureate of perlmonks, Chmrr!
His stirring rendition of Juliet's forlorn soliloquy garnered a final reputation of 43, edging out his closest competitor, lemming, by 7 rep!

Replies are listed 'Best First'.
Re: Aaah, spring (A Very Special Perlmonks Contest)
by Chmrr (Vicar) on Apr 17, 2002 at 22:05 UTC
    $thou = "romeo"; my $self = "juliet"; if ($thou, knowest($night{mask} => my $face) ) { } else { "maiden blush", bepaint(my $cheek) for (msgget $thou => "tonight"); } fain($self, dwell => 'form') .. fain (fain ( ! msgsnd tonight => $self, said)); undef $compliment;! $thou->love('me')? tell me eq 'Ay' : $self, take($thou => $word); 'yet' if $thou->swear - $thou == undef; @lovers{perjuries}, Jove('laughs'). 0, Romeo; if ($thou->love) { tell $thou->love('faithfully')} sub AUTOLOAD {} package romeo; sub swear {"to"} sub love {"juliet"} 1 or die; __END__ Juliet's monologue from Act 2, Scene 2 ---------------------------------------- Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face; Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek For that which thou hast heard me speak tonight. Fain would I dwell on form -- fain, fain deny What I have spoken; but farewell compliment! Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay'; And I will take thy word. Yet, if thou swear'st, Thou may prove false. At lovers' perjuries, They say Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo, If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully.

    perl -pe '"I lo*`+$^X$\"$]!$/"=~m%(.*)%s;$_=$1;y^`+*^e v^#$&V"+@( NO CARRIER'

Re: Aaah, spring (A Very Special Perlmonks Contest)
by lemming (Priest) on Apr 17, 2002 at 19:12 UTC
    sub window { while ($waiting) { last if hark($event_ref); } if ($event_ref->{'rock'} eq 'brick') { sleep; } } # Hark! What rock through yonder window breaks? # It is a brick and Juliet is out cold

      If we're doing straight translations...

      map { pox $_ } $montagues, $capulets;

      or more elaborately

      require House; map { pox $_ } map { House->new($_) } qw(Montague Capulet);

      /me realizes he will now be whacked with the void context stick...

      pox $_ foreach map { House->new ($_) } qw (Montague Capulet);

      Update: to handle the multiple-editions problem pointed out by andye below, add

      BEGIN{ *plague = \&pox;}
      to the above. :-)

      If God had meant us to fly, he would *never* have given us the railroads.
          --Michael Flanders

        Very good! I'm amused. But s/pox/plague/ (sorry, I'm a pedant, I know).

        Update: I've just double-checked and, interestingly, both plague and pox are right - it varies between the original sources.

Re: Aaah, spring (A Very Special Perlmonks Contest)
by Chmrr (Vicar) on Apr 17, 2002 at 22:20 UTC

    Save this to a file named "act 5, scene 3," and run. If you count, Romeo dies in the 15th line of this scene.

    O("Juliet!"); to('love');! drinks; O, apothecary => true; for (drugs => quick) { kiss("I..") and die; } sub AUTOLOAD {unshift @last,@_;0} print "@last" and die; __END__

    perl -pe '"I lo*`+$^X$\"$]!$/"=~m%(.*)%s;$_=$1;y^`+*^e v^#$&V"+@( NO CARRIER'

Re: Aaah, spring (A Very Special Perlmonks Contest)
by VSarkiss (Monsignor) on Apr 18, 2002 at 02:43 UTC

    Act 2, Scene 2, Capulet's orchard.

    # Juliet: # 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; # Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. # What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot, # Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part # Belonging to a man. O, be some other name! # What's in a name? that which we call a rose # By any other name would smell as sweet; # So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, # Retain that dear perfection which he owes # Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, # And for that name which is no part of thee # Take all myself. $Juliet::enemy = \$Romeo; $thou = $Romeo, not Montague; $Montague ? @Montague::ISA = not ( 'hand' || 'foot' || 'arm' || 'face') || split //, 'a man' : O, $Romeo::name = *Other; split //, \*Name? *Rose = @Universal::ISA{'smell'} : *Other; if ($Romeo ne \$Romeo) { $Romeo = 'dear perfection' or undef $Romeo::title; } undef $Romeo::name; *Romeo = *Juliet;
Re: Aaah, spring (A Very Special Perlmonks Contest)
by myocom (Deacon) on Apr 18, 2002 at 01:07 UTC
    O: $she; do {teach($torches{burn(bright)})}; $_; seems($she, hang($cheek{night})); $ear{Ethiope} =~ /rich jewel/; $beauty{value}++ for $use; for ($earth) { 2*($dear) } print grep /snowy dove/, @trooping_crows; print (grep /lady/, @$fellows{lady}), "\n", @$fellows{lady}; END { study $place{Juliet} }; `touch hers` && bless my $rude=\$hand; forswear($_,'sight') unless eval{my $heart->love(localtime)}; for ($i ne'er') { saw } $beauty=1 until $this_night; sub AUTOLOAD { print <DATA>; } __END__ O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear; Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear! So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows, As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows. The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand, And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand. Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night. Romeo and Juliet, Act I, Scene V
    "One word of warning: if you meet a bunch of Perl programmers on the bus or something, don't look them in the eye. They've been known to try to convert the young into Perl monks." - Frank Willison
Re: Aaah, spring (A Very Special Perlmonks Contest)
by dsb (Chaplain) on Apr 18, 2002 at 16:31 UTC
    Rewrite Shakespeare? If you want to YOU can!!!

    Rewrite history. YOU decide if the boys will fight in Act 1 Scene 1, or if they will show restraint around innocents in Verona. A public place.

    Corny, I know. I've been awake too long. ;)

    Well here ya go. I REALLY like those T-Shirts ;).

    #!/usr/bin/perl # command line args: # yes/no for $biteyourthumb : yes/no for $atme $biteyourthumb = $ARGV[0] eq "yes" ? 1 : 0; $atme = $ARGV[1] eq "yes" ? 1 : 0; if ($biteyourthumb && $atme) { $benvolio = "coming"; $come = "come"; quarrel($benvolio,$come) until ($benvolio eq $come); print "Benvolio: PART FOOLS!!!\n"; print "\n*** Fin ***\n\n"; print "<Abbreviated Applause>\n"; } else { print "Turn and RUN!!!\n"; } sub quarrel { print "They fight!!!\n"; ($_[0],$_[1]) = ("come",$_[1]) if (print "ENTER BENVOLIO\n") }
    Cool idea boo_radley!

Re: Aaah, spring (A Very Special Perlmonks Contest)
by TheHobbit (Pilgrim) on Apr 21, 2002 at 22:14 UTC

    This is an essay at <emph>Italian</emph> Perl poetry...

    $Mattina = $m'illumino / $d'immenso __END__ Ungaretti, 1917

    update: Corrected typo s|=|/| on line 2.

Re: Aaah, spring (A Very Special Perlmonks Contest)
by tmiklas (Hermit) on Apr 23, 2002 at 09:17 UTC
    # about love and war - sad but true... @war = split(/ /, 'two houses'); $lovers = join('love', $romeo, $julliet); END { sleep $julliet && die $romeo && die $julliet }
    It's not a direct translation becouse (1) I don't have a book near here and (2) even if I had, it would be written in my native language, so maybe another time ;-)

    Greetz, Tom.

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