As everyone here surely knows; the only logical solution is to create one version of this poll for every keyboard layout in existence, then carefully normalize the results to an imaginary universal keyboard layout while weighing for distribution and demographics. I really see no other solution to this problem. It will be a massive undertaking but the knowledge gained from such a project would benefit all of mankind in the form of unique insight that can be used as a foundation for the development of even more keyboard layouts. Ultimately, you should be able to get a keyboard uniquely tailored to fit your DNA while at the same time be able to read any description of a key sequence or have one explained to you over the phone without the risk of misunderstanding.
This really goes without saying :-P
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing