package Tao::Book::1; # The silent void $master_programmer = bless \$programmer, 'Tao'; $master_programmer->spake(qq{ When you have learned to snatch the error code from the trap frame, it will be time for you to leave. }); # 1.1 () = do { open STDOUT, ">/dev/null"; 1 while $mystery; $mystery =~ /(\001|\000)+/; $_ = $mystery; *{'Tao of Programming'} = *_; if ($tao = 'great') { $^O = 'great'; } if ($^O eq 'great') { $^X = 'great'; } if ($^X eq 'great') { $0 = 'great'; } for $user (@world) { $user->{':)'}++ } (sub { $morning->{wind} = @_; return $morning })->(${'Tao of Programming'}); }; ... #### SHOCK: { fills (my $heart); unbelief (sinks=>'in'); END { my $sorrow; untie my $pain; } } ANGER: { fills (my $heart); curse $the{Dancers}; kill $the{Guilty}; DESTROY {$the{Mastermind}} } GRIEF: { fills (my $heart); bless $the{Dead}; thank (@{$the{Volunteers}}); BEGIN {a new()} } # structure: There are no structures; they have all collapsed. # use strict: There is no discipline; only chaos of madmen. # warnings: There is no warnings; there WERE no warnings. #### # The Cow # by Ogden Nash # # The cow is of the bovine ilk; # One end is moo, the other, milk. # package cow; @ISA = qw(bovine); push @cow, 'moo'; unshift @cow, 'milk'; #### # Reflections on Ice-Breaking # by Ogden Nash # # Candy # Is Dandy # But liquor # Is quicker. package candy; @ISA = qw(dandy); package liquor; 1; #### require(AirGuitar); if($this eq "real life" | "just fantasy"){ $caught = $in{'a-landslide'}; $no = "\from reality"; } open (YOUR, "$eyes"); $look++ => "the skies" && "c"; $money = 0; $sympathy=0; while ($i, $come, $i, $go){ $i = "easy" } $little++; $little--; if ($wind = "blows") { !$matter => me } $parent = "female"; $me = "murderer"; $gun = head{'man'}; &pull_trigger; if($gun eq "loaded"){ die('man') } tell($parent) => $life = "short"; $life = undef; $parent .- $tears; if (!$back eq this(time)){ $day .+1; } { print "Carry on"; redo; } $matter = 0; if($now eq "too late"){ my $time => "come";} my $spine = $shivers--; $body = $aching . all{'the(time)'}; tell(all) => "bye bye"; @you <= "leave"; $face =~ tr/u/th/; $parent = 000; $i != "want" => die; $i => some(time). s/never/born/ . @all; #### scalar @monte_cristo; sub task { kill( SIGHUP, "mockingbird" ); } $_**(1/2); $_**(1/3); $_**(1/4); for ( @whom ) { toll( chr(7) ); } $nights[11]; sub king { return; } $here..$eternity undef $arms; if ( 1 ) { $postman->ring() for (1..2); } grep /Red October/, @_; #### do # to the tune of 'Mambo'; #5, apologies to Lou Bega our (@syntax) = ('syncopated', 'baby'); sub refrain { my (%little_bit_of) = ('regex' =~ /(matching) (string)/); @ little_bit_of{'shell', 'calls'} = `do_that thing`; $little_bit_of{C} = sub { for(@syntax){ $little_bit_of{sed} =~ s!\\!!g; # "strip backwhacks" } }; @ { $little_bit_of{'OO'}->can('be_nice') } = @ little_bit_of{'lisp', 'lists'} = map {$_} splice(@_); @ little_bit_of{'rich', 'language'} = ('easy', 'puns'); @ { $little_bit_of{'Perl'} } = ('number' => 1); return [instrumental bridge]; } #### bless \@monks; $initiate = recv(MONASTERY,$enlightenment,$daily,0); $novice = seek(MONASTERY,$enlightenment,0); $acolyte = sleep && eat && study $SOPW && redo; $scribe = require disipline; $monk = print MONASTERY rand($wisdom); $friar = accept(MONASTERY,applause); $abbot = seek(MONASTERY,$enlightenment,2); $bishop = join 'E','d','i','t','o','r','s'; $pontiff = push @monks, $improve; $saint = 1; #### use Carp qw/cluck/; my @chickens; sleep until $dawn; cluck $loudly until open $coop; exit $coop; chomp $food and accept($scraps,$seed); shift @straw, pop @eggs and cluck $more; until ($dusk) { seek($many,$worms,$bugs); join flock($other,@chickens) if split /from others/; tell WORLD,"sky is falling" if $airplane; } return 2,$coop and sleep until $dawn; #### # The Doom of the Noldor / The Prophecy of the North # J. R. R. Tolkien - Quenta Silmarillion # # Tears unnumbered ye shall shed; # and the Valar will fence Valinor against you, # and shut you out, # so that not even the echo of your lamentation # shall pass over the mountains. # # On the House of Feanor the wrath of the Valar lieth # from the West unto the uttermost East, # and upon all that will follow them # it shall be laid also. # $_= 'The Doom of the Noldor' or 'The Prophecy of the North'; while( /Doom/ ) { shed("tears "); do { $Valar{'fence_of_Valinor'}++ and $shut_out; } until not( $echo_of_lamentation > $mountains ); for( $West..$uttermost_East ) { map{$_ = $Valar{'wrath'}} (@House_of_Feanor, @followers); } } sub shed{print shift} #### substr("Erudil to the Monasterians", 0, 1); 1 . Erudil->isa(PerlHacker) .. [ "vroom", @saints, @monastery ]; 2 . undef $^W, close(STDERR) and !$! for 1..100; 3 . -M Erudil > 2*365 and $appreciation{$_}++ for qw( place custodians members ); 4 . do { for (@brothers, @sisters) { listen up, hearken } continue { to: wait() and study() for grep !clue($_) && ignorant($_), Visitors- To-Our-Blessed-Monastery } }; 5 . do { not rebuke($words{harsh} =~ /RTFM/), but }, lead-with-URLs if wisdom->isa( goal-of-theirs); 6 . allow for newbies and instruct(grep $_, @contents); 7. for 0 < grep errant || ignorant, @us; 8 . consider; these: 9 . ($^H & 0x602) and bless($they), for typos < troubles; 10 . $^W and bless($they), for $errors -> (0); 11 . %CGI:: and bless($they), for eval { pass-parameters } and not $@; 12 . eval "use CPAN; 1" and bless($they), for $wheels_not_reinvented > 1e9; 13 . qr// and bless($they), for HTML-time == 0; 14 . insults? ridicule? blessed: are: you, for time and effort < theirs; 15 . grep refuser($_), @those ? (do { not allow flame wars } or disrepute): yourselves or Monastery; 16 . study well::, $$ = 0 for grep cool lost, grep flamewar winner, @men; time < age-of-reason and 17 . those who suffer thus, do { consider: like me, close mouth, select words, carefully, to edify, to inform }; 18 . $_++ for @brothers, @sisters, restorers-of-faith and $^T = time, 19 . good-syntax and efficient- algorithms; 20 . eval { $$ref; 1 } and study, study Perl, study bless$ed, Perl; 21 . Amen and amen; #### use Carp; unpack fish, spices; croak fish if $alive; study recipe, pop in, time; BEGIN {meal}; tied %bib; scalar fish; fork, split; sqrt lemon; glob tartarsauce; chop, open(MOUTH), chomp; unlink flesh; truncate bone, chomp; untie %bib; push plate; END {meal}; sleep now;