After reading all the responses, I feel that it's not a good idea to try doing something like this. So I'll go with the way it's setup right now. Just to answer a few queries:

LanX: still a very weird requirement, about how many variables are we talking? -> 12 variables at present

I am running and trying to learn from all the suggestions here but will not be using it in prod. Also, I can't skip user strict as well.