You know, you can reduce the level of indentation (thus making it easier to read (IMHO, of course)) of this sub by using elsif:

sub whatisit{
  my $it = shift;
  if ($it eq 'yada yada'){
    return(undef);
  }
  elsif ($it eq 'get in a car accident') {
      return("vincinity of 38.86540N 77.07163W");
  }
  elsif ($it eq 'write perl script'){
      return ('kitchen');
  }
  else{
      return(\&email(zak));
  }
}
[download]

I know this is pretty trivial code, but...